Pants or Lemonade
by ShadowInTheHall
Summary: Name's from MarsOutcast. Nothing to do with either. Ichigo notices Urahara's new assistant, who looks a lot like Yoruichi, with a hat a lot like Kisuke's. Come to think of it, where IS his hat? And when did he get a pet raccoon? KisukexOc
1. The First Problem

**I have only some clue as to what I am doing. Most of the Bleach series, I've been forced to miss because of various chores, so all I know is from the little I've seen and the stuff on the characters I've read.**

**-S**

* * *

The hallway was tall and long. Sunlight shone off the golden wood of the floor. A teenage girl with long dark blue hair separated into pigtails ran down the hall and slid open one of the doors.

"Yoruichi! Do you know where- uh…oh…um…uh….hi, Kisuke… uhhh…." In the middle of the room, a teenage girl with long dark purple hair drawn into a ponytail reclined on a mountain of pillows layered on a straw mattress. She was a shade darker than the blue haired girl. In front of the pillow bed sat, on a pile of pillows, a blonde teenage boy in a blue robe. He raised a hand in greeting.

"Hey, Yoruhaji." Her face turned a light shade of pink.

"Uhm…" Yoruhaji looked behind her, hearing footsteps in the adjacent hall.

"Do I know where…?" Yoruichi asked.

"I….gotta go. Later!" Yoruhaji closed her sister's door and took off down the hall. "Flash step! Duh…" she hit herself on the forehead and used a flash step to get out of the main house to the marketplace.

"Your little sister is weird."

"So is that girl you like."

"Actually, Shien is the most normal person I know." Kisuke replied, crossing his arms. "Buuut….That's the problem. Shien is _too_ normal for my liking."

"Uh_-huh_. You're weird. Most people prefer someone 'too normal' to someone like us." Yoruichi said, referring to herself and her sister.

"You seem to forget, Yoruichi, I'm not most people."

"If you say so, Kisuke." she closed her yellow eyes and waved her hand in dismissal. Her door slid open again, revealing an annoyed man. "Father!"

"Yoruichi, have you seen your sister? She must be present for-"

"The noble's brat? I mean…son?"

"**Yes**. I expect you _both_ to be there in two hours." Irate, her father left without another word.

"What?" Yoruichi sighed.

"There's another Soul Society location, and once a year, one of their five main clan's sons come here to choose a girl to take with them, so in a few years' time, they can get married."

"Bu- that's not fair! You two are my best friends!"

"Yeah. Haji doesn't want to go any more than I do. She'd prefer living with Father than a place where she'd be respected."

"What's that mean? I respect her. So does practically everyone else…" he thought of the band of 'miscreants' the trio occasionally hung out with.

"Do you promise never to say a word of this?" Yoruichi asked in a lowered voice.

"On every snide comment that's ever crossed my lips and every prank I've ever pulled." Kisuke said solemnly. They moved in closer.

"My father has a twin. _He's_ Yoruhaji's father. Once Father found out, he changed her name from Tenshiko, Angel Child, to Yoruhaji, Night of Disgrace."

"That's awful. How could a parent be so cruel?"

"I don't know, but he's let her know what it means, and why it's her name."

"She would really rather stay here?"

"Course she would. You're her best friend, and I'm the only one she really has to talk to. Before they're married, she wouldn't be allowed to visit. We're talking three or four years here. After that, she could only come back here once every four months."

"Well, what if she and this kid got there, and he decides Yoruhaji's too weird?" Kisuke asked. Yoruichi looked at him and replied simply, "She'd be killed. Deemed unsuitable for marriage and childbearing is-"

"Childbearing? Wow. I can't imagine a knocked-up Haji."

"I know. She gets pretty worked up as it is." One of the wall panels on Yoruichi's left opened up, making a crashing noise.

"Rui! Help me!"

"What? What's wrong?"

"He- he saw me! That brown haired-

"Who saw you? What are you-

"little brat! He's as old as I am and he-

"Talking about? The noble's kid? You and I-

"Wouldn't quit touching me and he tried to-

"Have to be there in two hours. Wait, he did-

"Kiss me! I'm so screwed! There's no way-"

"What?"

"Out!" Before either of them could continue, Kisuke stood up.

"Hold on, you two!" he shouted. Yoruhaji shrank back a bit. "Now," he turned to his purple eyed friend, "what happened, Haji?" She stepped fully into the room and sat against the wall, close to Yoruichi.

"I…kinda set off some firecrackers in the guard house. Fireworks, actually. Uh…"she blushed as Kisuke laughed. Yoruichi noticed her sister's colour and smirked.

"You set them off and…?"

"Hm? Oh…" she looked at her feet. "I was running from them and came here to ask if you had seen Mei. The guards got too close so I had to go, then I remembered flash step. I got to the marketplace and hid my outer kimono in the back of Kurohime's shop, so no one would see the Shihoin clan symbol on it. No one told me this one had it on the back." The dark green kimono was short sleeved and knee length, suddenly too short for Yoruhaji. She got even redder. "I guess he had seen me sneak in and out of the shop. There wasn't enough room to use flash step, and he kept catching up to me. He's a brown haired brown eyed pervert prat.

"Well, you're gonna have to face him. We both do. Father said in two hours, we have to show up with the rest of the prissys."

"Awww…" Yoruhaji sank lower to the floor with the face of a depressed cat. She wasn't assuming _she_ was going to be taken, but out of the main clans' daughters, she and her sister were said to be the most beautiful. Odds were, either she was taken from her sister, or her sister was taken from her. Neither option was a good one.

"How did you get rid of that Nirosaki kid" Kisuke asked Yoruichi.

"Eh. I pretended to be enamored with Teru. Then he quit stalking me."

"Yeah, but I _hate_ Teru." Yoruhaji whined. "Can't we just cut up my face or something?"

"You would actually rather harm yourself than ask one of the guys for help?" Yoruichi asked.

"Shall I run through the list for you?" Upon receiving no answer, she started. "I _hate_ Teru. Kino is working today, Zaku has recon to finish up, Hiten's too old, Kira is a girl, Baki is a jerk, Kotetsu wouldn't to it without being paid, and Sano is gay." she said flatly, sinking ever lower to the floor.

"You're forgetting someone." Yoruichi, now standing, put her foot on her sister's head.

"Hmph. Sano's brother is out of town."

"Not Arashi." Yoruhaji looked up

"Who?"

"I'll do it." Kisuke offered.

"Wha-" Yoruhaji looked at him, face crimson. Yoruichi kneeled down.

"You wouldn't even have to pretend to be enamored with him." she whispered. "Breathe." Yoruichi added, louder.

"It…it won't work." she stuttered.

"Why?" her sister asked.

"What if he makes me….h-hug you o-or s-s-something?"

"And I'm contagious?"

"What about Yoruichi?"

"I get along with Teru, and Kotetsu owes me."

"Bu-but but I…uhm…mrow!" she squeaked out. Kisuke and Yoruichi both laughed, causing Yoruhaji's blush to grow.

"Well sis, if you can't come up with anything better, we've got to go. Kisuke, can you explain the situation to Teru?"

"Sure thing, Yoruichi. See ya later, guys." The blonde left.

"Yoruichi! I hate you!"

"You're cute when you're mad, Haji." Her sister's blush encompassed her face, neck, and ears. "Face it. You like Kisuke." Yoruichi wore a smug face.

"I do not!" "You're a bit too red to be denying it, Haji."

"Yeah? Well…Nuh-uh!" Haji turned from her sister. "shut up, Rui." Yoruichi put her arm around her.

"Aww…come on. I won't tell if you don't want me to."

"What is there to tell?"

"Have it your way, Haji." Yoruichi started toward her door.

"Wait Rui! Don't…please….." Yoruichi laughed.

"Okay. I promise not to tell him you like him. But," she added, "we have to put something on your face so you don't go all cherry-cheeked later."

"Alright."

* * *

**Okay, so you know, this and the next chapter...maybe the next two or three will take place in Sereitei. After that, it's brought into the Human world. R&R**

**-S**


	2. And the Second?

An hour later, Rui and Haji emerged from the dresser's quarters done up and unhappy. Yoruichi wore a red silk kimono with dark purple trim and different flowers in various shades of peach and purple, with a dark purple sash around her waist that matched her hair. A white lily was pinned to her ponytail. Yoruhaji was dressed in a blue silk kimono with white trim and a white sash. It was decorated with red koi and various shades of purple and yellow dahlias. A white lily stuck out from each pigtail.

"This sucks, Rui." Yoruhaji said as they walked down the street. People stopped and turned to stare at the sisters on their way to the river.

"I know. This outfit is embarrassing."

"At least you're used to it. I didn't think I _had_ this many curves."

"You look good."

"That's the opposite of what I wanted. If I have to go, will you take care of Mei?" Yoruichi's yellow eyes narrowed. She stopped her sister, staring into Haji's purple eyes.

"You won't be chosen. If you are, we'll come and get you. If I'm chosen, I'll escape. Quit worrying, okay?" Yoruhaji nodded, giving her sister a hug. "Hey, I'm only a year older. Quit acting like a baby. Look, there's Teru." Haji let Rui go. Yoruichi headed toward the black haired boy.

"Wait! I feel his-" Yoruichi couldn't hear her. "Damn good-for-nothing sister. I'm not acting like a baby!" Haji could feel he noble's son's spiritual pressure. She huffed and crossed her arms. "Dreams of being a Captain, Sayonara." Haji muttered. From behind, arms snaked around her waist. "Eep!" Yoruhaji stiffened.

"Hey, Haji." Kisuke put his chin on her shoulder.

"Uh, Kisuke…" she swallowed hard, "what are you…"

"Doing? After I found Teru, we hunted down the noble and memorized his spiritual pressure. I'm pretty sure he's watching." He paused. "Relax, will you? I'm not about to kill you."

"Oh….yeah." The makeup Yoruichi suggested she wear was keeping most of her red blush hidden. She only relaxed a little, feeling Kisuke's breath and his arms resting low on her hips.

"Come on." he said, hooking her arm with his. "Let's go through the forest." Yoruhaji was relieved and disappointed at the loss of contact. She and Kisuke walked through the crowd and toward the forest. Near the river, there was a silver cat with black wing-shaped marks on its shoulders.

"Mei Mei!" Yoruhaji gasped. The cat turned. Haji let her arm slip out from Kisuke's and ran toward the cat.

"Don't kneel," Mei warned, "or you'll get your kimono dirty."

"You think I care? Whatever. Where have you been all day?"

"I was chasing that stupid tiny dog last night, and got caught in a squirrel trap." Mei flicked her tail.

"I'm sorry I couldn't find you. How did you get out?"

"Someone opened it for me." Haji scratched Mei's ears.

"Who?"

"Urahara. Made me sorry for all the times I bit him."

"It didn't stop you from doing it again, though." he said. Haji stood up and turned around, giving Kisuke a big hug.

"Thanks, Ki! I didn't know where she was."

"No big deal. I know how close you two are. And, last week, you caught that kid who stole my candy, remember?"

"Oh yeah…." Haji realized she had her arms around Kisuke's neck and he had his arm around her waist.

"Hey…are you okay? Your face is pretty warm." he asked, concerned.

"I'm fine…" Haji laughed nervously.

"Yoruhaji," Mei started, "your tail is showing."

"What?" she looked over her shoulder. A grey and black ringed cat tail twitched behind her.

"That nervous, huh?" Kisuke asked. "Don't worry about it."

"My thing is…" _Full body contact!_ "Well, I'm not worried about myself, and Yoruichi's not worried about herself." _I'm still touching him!_ "I guess I shouldn't be worried about her. I- I am, though." _Eeeeeee! He's holding me tighter!_

"It's okay to worry. Actually, I'm kind of worried myself that I'll lose one of my best friends." She laughed lightly.

"Well, if you're worrying, I guess I don't have to."

"Alright. Hey, are you _sure_ you're feeling well?"

"Yeah. Mei Mei, would you come with me?" Haji let go of Kisuke.

"I'm afraid I can't."

"Oh. Dang. Then, can you wait for me?"

"If I don't spot that stupid dog."

"Will you wait for us, too?" Haji asked Kisuke.

"Sure." Haji bent down and whispered to Mei in a different language.

"You can't bite or scratch him, you hear me?"

"Why not?"

"Because…he's the one I like . Even _if_ he never finds out." Mei shorted. "Mei!"

"Fine. No biting or scratching. I suppose I can't tell him, either?"

"Please don't."

"Fine."

"Yay!" Haji said.

"Yay what?"

"Hm? Oh. Mei said she'll get along with you."

"That's great. Uh, do you think we should get going?"

"Probably." Haji and Kisuke turned toward the garden maze the girls were to meet at. Haji leaned in and whispered quietly. "I feel one of his guards near by." Kisuke grabbed her hand and Yoruhaji giggled.

"Nice airhead laugh. He's getting closer." he whispered back, smiling. She laughed again and as they began walking, she laid her head on his shoulder. Mei trotted silently beside Yoruhaji. In twenty minutes, they reached the garden. Kisuke looked around and spotted two guards.

"Bye. I'll be back soon, I hope." Kisuke grabbed her wrist and spun her around, giving her a quick kiss on the cheek.

"Okay. I'll be waiting right out here." Dazed, Haji waved back and wandered through the hedge maze. In the "hall", fifteen chairs had been set up, three by five. Five others were lined up by the corner headed toward the center garden. The first was empty, and the second was filled. Yoruichi sat in the third chair, an empty one next to her, and a nervous girl in the last seat. Yoruichi motioned for her sister to sit.

"Hi….sis….."

"Haji? What happened?" Yoruhaji sighed.

"Ki….suke…" she giggled.

"Are you feeling well?"

"I am……perfectly."

"What did he do? Drug you?"

"Mmmmm…..maybe." Yoruichi gasped.

"Haji, that's so cute! I wish I'd seen it!…."

"Rui, after this, he'll think I 'm pretending, huh?"

"Unless you told him, probably."

"Kisuke…." she sighed again. Her eyes were a foggy purple.

"Alright, then." Yoruichi said. "I'll pretend you asked what was up. You're about ten minutes late. The first thing he did was go through and interview us quickly, then picked four of us to sit up here. He said you were to stay when you showed up. Now, one by one, he's taking us through that way to the center garden." Though still dazed, Haji nodded. The girl who sat in the first chair came out and told the second girl they could leave. Yoruichi sighed and headed to the other part of the garden. Ten minutes later, she came back out, smiling victoriously.

"How did it go?" Haji asked, almost recovered from her stupor.

"Pretty good. I can't believe Kisuke kissed you!" she said, hoping to renew her sister's previous condition. Yoruichi sat down. Haji thought she saw blonde hair at the edge of the wall. She giggled.

"Hmmmm…….." Haji sighed.

"Hey, you've got to go in there now." Yoruichi pointed out.

"Um…" the last girl said, "can…c-can I g-go?"

"Sure." Haji said.

"Thank you." she said quietly. Yoruhaji snuck over to the hedge and peered around it, watching Kisuke and Mei talk until the shy girl came out.

"Haji," Yoruichi called, "your turn." Haji got up.

"I swear, if you tell anyone about-"

"Your obsession with Kisuke?"

"Shut up." Her eyes drifted off again. There was a small ironwork table and two chairs in the center garden. Rose bushes and daffodil plants lined the hedge walls. Haji sat in one of the chairs.

"Yoruhaji! I was looking everywhere for you!"

"Hnnn…."

"Who were you with earlier?" the brown haired noble asked, sitting across from her.

"Yoruichi, of course." she mumbled, still in La La Land.

"No, I mean that boy." A dopey grin spread across her face.

"Kisuke…" she sighed.

"You _like_ that loser?" he asked in disbelief.

"He's not a loser! You don't live here, so how would you know?"

"I could beat him any day!" The foreign noble let his spiritual pressure go, and Yoruhaji felt it fill up their area. "See? You're falling back at it! In a few months' time, I'll have the pressure of a god!" She laughed and stood up.

"You think you're strong? This is nothing. Did you feel Yoruichi's?" She thought for a moment, before undoing the clasp on a red cat collar around her neck. It fell away, and a large wave drowned out all of the noble's pressure. He fell back on the ground. Outside the garden, people stopped and stared, wondering what was going on. Mei began laughing.

"What? Whose is that pressure?" Kisuke asked.

"Yoruhaji's. She and Yoruichi have about the same pressure, but Yoruichi's is greater. However, she can control it, while Yoruhaji must wear a collar that seals it. She must have taken it off." Mei said, still amused. Yoruichi was not amused. Haji was _not_ supposed to remove the collar. Almost as suddenly as it appeared, the spiritual pressure let up. Haji stepped out of the garden.

"Who's the loser now, bitchface?!" she asked. Yoruichi left with her sister.

"Hey, guys!" Kisuke greeted them from a bench. Haji sat down about a foot from him. Although there was plenty of room on the other side of Kisuke, Yoruichi insisted Haji move over.

"How much room do you need for your huge butt?" Haji asked. Yoruichi reached up and pulled on a black cat ear sticking out of her sister's hair. "Ow! Owowowowow okay I'm sorry!" Yoruhaji scooted over so her arm was touching Kisuke's.

"Sorry for?"

"Not giving you enough room for your huge butt? OW!" Yoruichi pulled harder as Kisuke ad Mei laughed.

"Try again?"

"It's not huge!" Yoruichi let go of her ear. "It's just blubbery." Haji grinned and jumped over to the other side of Kisuke, using him as a shield.

"I am going to skin you."

"Eeep." Haji sank lower behind Kisuke.

"Don't fall." Mei warned.

"I'm not gonna -- oomph." Haji fell off of the bench. Yoruichi laughed and sat down.

"Are you going to join us?" she asked. Haji got up and sat next to Kisuke. "...bitchface?"

"Who?" Kisuke asked.

"What?! He went all psycho, calling Ki a loser and then claiming himself to be a god, because of his "enormous" spiritual pressure. Whatever. Bitchface..." Yoruichi laughed at her sister's bluntness.

"Now, now, Haji-hime. That's hardly a word a fifteen year old lady need be using."

"_Sure_. You're only two years older and I've heard _much_ worse from you! And don't call me hime!" Kisuke smirked.

"Haji, why are your ears sticking up?" Rui asked.

"Uhm...probably elevated body temperature, adrenaline, and the release of that pressure." She looked at her feet. "Also...I dunno." Haji absentmindedly began swinging her feet and laid her head on Kisuke's shoulder. "Rui, I'm tiiiired." she complained.

"Maybe if you weren't up every night counting stars or moon gazing, you wouldn't be." Yoruichi chided. Yoruhaji snorted.

"Not likely."

"Don't you have a lesson today?"

"Nope." Haji paused. "You do. You're twelve minutes late."

"How do you know what time it is? I don't see a watch." Kisuke stated. Haji faced him and opened one eye.

"I _always_ know what time it is, Kiki." He looked to Yoruichi.

"Yoruhaji's right. But," she leaned over to look at her sister, "You have a test tomorrow."

"On?"

"Spirit barriers. They have to float."

"Where?"

"Great Hollow Cliffs. It's the only place they could secure for it." Yoruhaji sat up straight, wide-eyed.

"Wha? G-g-great…..Hollow Cliffs? I thought…..but it….I hafta float?!"

"Above the water, for two minutes."

"I can't do that! I wouldn't do that! Who…."

"You signed yourself up for the advanced classes."

"No I didn't! I passed their freakin' tests, and stupid Father signed myself up! _I_ would've chosen regular classes."

"Why? They're easier to slack off in?"

"Yeah, actually."

"What's the big deal about it?" Kisuke inquired.

"I…I um…" Haji looked around for an excuse. "Nothing. Thanks for your help, Kisuke." Haji leaned in and gave him a hug. "I have to go." she flash stepped through the forest.

"Yoruichi, what exactly was that about?" Kisuke shook his blonde hair from his face. She frowned.

"Ithink…maybe…she's still afraid of the water."

"I know that's not funny, but it's kind of….ironic."

"In a way, yes. Funny? In a way, yes. Am I going to laugh? Probably not."

**Oh my gods this is late. I hope to have the next chapter up soon, or at least sooner.**


	3. Well, Problem Solved

By dinner, Yoruhaji Shihoin had not shown up. In the middle of the night, Yoruichi checked the roof. No Haji. Morning came, and she headed to Great Hollow Cliffs. She spotted a familiar mop of shining golden hair.

"Kisuke!" He turned, silvery blue eyes searching for the source of the voice. Yoruichi made her way over. "Have you seen her?"

"I thought I sensed her last night, but it was so quick, she must have been passing by." The rest of her class was lining the cliff. The sun had been up two hours.

"I have to go. Can you stay here in case she shows up?" Yoruichi asked. She was late for an appointment already, and could afford no more time.

"Sure thing." Yoruhaji's name was called an hour or so into the test. Before she was skipped, a cat the colour of a raccoon showed up.

"Excuse me," a voice an octave higher than Yoruichi's cat self said, "Yoruhaji will be here momentarily. Wait two minutes, if you will." The instructor looked strangely at the cat, before nodding uncertainly. The dark grey and black cat dashed into the forest. Exactly two minutes later, Yoruhaji showed up in a boy's blue and white uniform, tugging at brushed out blue hair, attempting to coax it into a second ponytail.

"S-sorry Amachiri-sensei." she panted. He raised an eyebrow.

"Your uniform…..?"

"I- I lost mine. Terribly irresponsible, I know, but I managed to borrow one last minute." The clothes hung on her a size or two too big.

"Fine." he sighed. Kisuke came up to her side.

"Where were you?"

"Out." she replied.

"What a very cat-like answer. Is that my spare?"

"Yes."

"Are you going to be okay, Haji?"

"More or less."

"Are you afraid of the water?" The instructor gave her the go-ahead. Haji walked over to the side of the cliff without answering his question. About ten feet out, she stopped and turned. A translucent green bubble formed around her.

"Okay. Yeah, this is fine." she said to herself. _Kisuke knows I'm afraid. Falling on the cliffs isn't so bad._ A crack appeared in the front of her barrier. Haji looked at it curiously, before running her finger over it. The crack disappeared._ There's a lot of water down there._ Haji stared at Kisuke, a small smile growing. As she pictured how deep the water would be, Haji's barrier shattered like a glass Christmas ornament under the pressure of a hammer.

"Yoruichiiiii!" Haji began falling. "Kisuke!" she shouted. "I don't want to drown…" she whispered to herself. The water was coming up fast. Kisuke jumped over the edge and grabbed her hand, forming his own light purple barrier.

"Hi, Haji-hime." Forty feet from the water.

"K-Ki-Kisuke….We're still falling!" Thirty feet. "Oh gods I'm gonna drown!"

"Sit." Kisuke caught the red cat collar she wore and pulled down on it. Five feet. When the barrier hit the water, Haji curled up, grabbing Kisuke's uniform and burying her face in his chest.

"I don't wanna drown…."

"What do you think I am? Irresponsible?" Kisuke attempted a joke. Haji was shaking lightly. He put an arm around her. "Look up, Haji." She looked up at Kisuke's face. He moved his head to the side.

"We're under water…." He smiled widely.

"And the best part is, we're not drowning!" she cracked a smile and grabbed his waist, too scared to be shy.

"Okay, so Rui's right. I'm still afraid of water. Um, can we go back up?"

"Are you uncomfortable?"

"We could run out of air, and you'd pass out, and we'd both die." An awkward silence passed.

"Uh, okay then…" he shook his head. The barrier rose to the surface of the river. "How's this? I'll raise us up a few feet, then you have to take over. To make sure you don't completely fail your test."

"Okay." Haji turned around in Kisuke's lap. Inside of the light purple bubble, a green layer formed, and the purple layer dissolved. Slowly, the barrier rose up to the top of the cliff. They landed safely on the ground.

"Shihoin, are you okay?"

"Uh….uh-huh. I'm alright. Urahara-senpai saved me."

"He did?"

"No, I just kept her dry."

"Well," Amachiri-sensei said, "I'm sure Shihoin-sama will be pleased to hear it."

"No!" Haji shouted.

"What?"

"I mean…Don't tell father."

"Why not?"

"If you must inform a relative, talk to Yoruichi."

"I see."

"So….did I fail?"

"I don't know. Stay after class. Urahara, you can stay, too."

"But sir…I'm not in this class…."

"Maybe you should be?"

"I…." having nothing to say, Kisuke nodded his head. He and Yoruhaji sat nearby until the testing was done. Three other students hung back to see what their classmate would have to do. Amachiri walked over to the pair of students laying in the grass.

"Shihoin, what problem did you have? You seemed fine at first, even after the crack in your barrier."

"I pictured how deep the water must be."

"And?" Amachiri didn't quite get it.

"She's paralyzing frightened of water, sir." Kisuke said in a monotonous voice.

"Ah. Well then, to demonstrate your control over your energy, you will create a spirit animal capable of supporting yourself and a passenger. That would be your role, Urahara." Haji sat up.

"What about a horse?"

"No."

"Dang." she looked to Kisuke. "Are you afraid of heights?"

"No."

"How do you feel about aerial stunts?"

"Bring it on."

"Good." Haji closed her eyes. A ball of iridescent green and purple energy appeared and began swirling, like the surface of a bubble. It grew and morphed, finally settling in the shape of a phoenix a little bigger than a minivan. The red and orange phoenix cawed. Amachiri took a step back. The two Soul Reaper Academy students mounted it, and the bird took off. It flew high into the sky, turning barrel rolls and performing nosedives.

"I wonder how long we have to do this for!" Haji shouted.

"I don't know!"

"Let's go down! I'm hungry!" The bird's speed slowed as they leveled out, and they could hear more than the wind rushing in their ears. Haji stood up and took a step toward the phoenix's head. "Hold on, Kisuke." She tapped her foot on the back of the bird's skull. The phoenix tilted toward the earth and began spiraling downward. Haji had to bend her knee to keep her balance. Kisuke stood up, too, and they both laughed on their way down. Trees and tall grass were waving wildly as the phoenix approached the ground. It landed and disappeared as Kisuke and Yoruhaji dismounted.

"That was fun." Kisuke commented.

"Yeah." Haji stopped. "Wait….."

"What?"

"What is that?" The other students that had stayed to watch were far off, too far to hear. Yet, they appeared to be shouting. Suddenly, they were all running towards the academy. "Kisuke! What's going on?"

"I- I don't know. That energy…" Amachiri's speck-like form was motioning for the two to run into the forest.

"Is that a-" Haji turned toward the cliff. A large black mass rose up, rearing scythe-like arms. A gaping hole allowed light to shine through its chest.

"A Hollow! Haji! Run!"

"Wha- Okay!" she turned and ran a few yards before glancing behind her. Kisuke had stopped when it got too close to them. "What are you doing?!" Haji screamed.

"Go!" he yelled. Haji ran back. "What are _you_ doing?"

"Not going." came the obvious response.

"Your sister is going to kill me! And you! She'll kill us both!" The Hollow was getting closer. "Move it, Haji!" Kisuke turned back to the approaching creature. "Now!!" Haji removed the blue and white kimono top so it wouldn't hinder her movement. She reached for her sword. The sword that was supposed to be on her hip or back. The sword which was neither. _'Shit.'_

"We have to break its mask thingy!" she shouted, being the well-worded person she was. "Go for the side!" The Hollow's arms would prevent it from effectively striking the two, if they were quick enough. Instead of arguing, Kisuke nodded. Using flash step moves that would make Yoruichi proud, they dashed forward and leapt into the air. Level across the mask, Kisuke's sword and Yoruhaji's foot connected, sending cracks almost through the mask.

"Damn!" Kisuke shouted as his sword dropped. They flew back to where they were standing. Haji reached up and removed the red cat collar from around her neck. _'Okay.'_ she thought. _'I have no idea how this works. Why wasn't I paying attention?! I need…zanpakto? Yeah. Do I need my sword? Doesn't matter nowwwww…..Shit! Come on!'_ The monster was coming to its senses.

"Kisuke's right. We're gonna die!" she remarked sarcastically bright to herself. "I've forgotten my sword. Kisuke dropped his…." she kneeled down and took the collar around her right ankle off, allowing the entirety of her spiritual pressure out. Briefly, Haji recalled the lecture Yoruichi gave her about never removing both collars. Yeah, her sister just might beat her to a bloody pulp. Kisuke turned around to look at her for a moment.

"Is that you?!"

"Yeah. I can't control it on my own. Rui can, though." Yoruhaji imagined calling out to the world of zanpakto (they _did_ live in their own realm, right? At least… that's what her teacher said…….)._ 'Come on….I gotta find mine…Zanpakto!'_ she called out in her head, impatient. Their sensei had left to get a Captain, and the second sensei was a new aid, who was apparently having trouble running. Kisuke began blasting kido spells at the Hollow, who had started charging toward them. Haji found, as she was rushing toward them, that something solid was forming in her hand. In both of her hands. Twin katanas; one had a glittering midnight blue blade, while the other's was a deep forest green. Kisuke fired another red spell. Haji ran past him and leapt toward the Hollow, swords in hand.

"Nemuri!" she shouted, lashing out with her new weapons. _'This is _not_ what we learned in sword training……'_ she thought absentmindedly as coloured flames surrounded the blades she brandished wildly. The green flames severed its arm, while the blue ones hit the mask. It shattered, and the Hollow dissolved. Haji landed on the ground. Kisuke ran toward her.

"Yoruhaji! Yoruhaji!!" She looked up, dazed. "Haji! Are you okay?"

"I.…um…….I don't…….know." she was confused. "Did…..I kill it?"

"Yeah."

"How?"

"You had swords."

"But…" Yoruhaji held up her hands. In each palm was a small rusting charm. One was a blue bell that didn't ring, and the other was a green heart with a hole.

"Maybe they're your zanpakto." Kisuke offered. He bent down. "Okay. Are they in your pocket?" She nodded. Kisuke reached into the right pocket of her borrowed pants and pulled out the collars. Haji moved her leg slightly so Kisuke could put the first around her ankle.

"Hey, Kisuke!" He looked up. Two boys his age were jogging toward them. One had straight black hair and the other had wavy brown hair. He fastened the red band around her neck.

"I can't have a zanpakto! I'm only a third year!" Haji burst out.

"Yes, but you're in a fifth year class."

"I-" she whipped her head around. "Where is your shirt?!"

"Uh?"

"The one I borrowed! My ears!" They looked around, but didn't see it. Kisuke took the one he was wearing off and threw it to her.

"Kisuke, what happened?" the black haired student asked.

"A Hollow came up from the cliffs. Yoruhaji killed it."

"Don't listen to him. He did it!" She pointed to Kisuke with one hand while holding the shirt over her hair like a nun.

"Whatcha hidin', Yoruhaji?" the brown haired one asked.

"I don't know what you're talking about, Shunsui. Hey! Ukitake!" He had pulled the kimono top off of her head from behind. Large black cat ears poked through Sharpie blue hair. (I don't care if Seireitei stocks Sharpies or not.)

"Wow…." Shunsui remarked, "is that a tail?" A black and grey striped tail swinging angrily behind her. Haji growled.

"I-meow! Damn!" her face turned red. " I swear on every lie I've ever told, every prank I've ever pulled, every pocket I've ever picked, and every piece of candy I've ever licked, if this ever gets out, I will string you up, cut you open, use your blood to paint my walls red, put your intestines in a jar and _use-them-as-a-paperweight!_ Understand?" Kisuke looked surprised, Ukitake was taken aback, and Shunsui raised his hand.

"So do you have claws?"

"Why don't you come over here and find out?" Haji's teeth were becoming elongated fangs as her left eye twitched violently. She pulled the shirt over her head again. Two captains and Amachiri-sensei appeared.

"Urahara, Shihoin, what happened here?" the first captain asked.

"A Hollow came up over the cliff, sir." Kisuke replied.

"Where is it now?"

"Gone." he replied. Shunsui silenced his laughter.

"Really? To think I missed the absence of a Hollow! I wonder how I became a member of the Thirteen Court Guard Squad?"

"Uh, we attacked it, sir." Haji said. "Urahara-senpai defeated it with kido, sir."

"Is that so?"

"No. Haji-hime killed it with her zanpakto."

"What?! Huh-uh! I told you, I'm only third year! It's impossible!!"

"Now, now. It's _improbable_, not impossible. But, it's true." Kisuke lectured nonchalantly. The first captain turned to face Amachiri.

"I see what you mean. Do you know what caused this?"

"Well, I have a suspicion Miss Shihoin had something to do with it. She didn't do so well on her first test, so I had her create a spirit animal. Yoruhaji crafted an excellent phoenix." While the three talked, Haji poked Kisuke's arm.

"What?"

"I'm _really_ hungry."

"Sirs?" the captains turned.

"What is it?"

"May we go? Some of us haven't eaten." The second captain sighed.

"You are excused. Be sure to make yourself available for questioning later." Kisuke and Yoruhaji nodded. They, Ukitake, and Shunsui headed back to where the Hollow attack started. She threw the shirt on her head to Kisuke and picked up her originally borrowed one. Something rushed past the four.

"Uh oh." Haji turned slowly. "Hi, Rui!" Yoruichi stood frowning, one hand on her hip. "I uh…it wasn't my fault. First, it was….im-important!" she advanced on Haji.

"Haji-hime killed a Hollow!" Kisuke stated, brightly.

"She…wait, what?" Yoruichi stopped. "Two occasions in one week. You are _not_ to remove that second-"

"Yoruichi," Ukitake cut in, "there _was_ a Hollow attack."

"There….was?"

"You don't believe me?" Kisuke asked, acting hurt.

"Well, maybe that's because the last time you told me there was a Hollow, Haji tied my laces together. What do you think?" He pretended to be in thought.

"I suppose I could see how that would translate into a trust issue." Ukitake and Shunsui laughed.

"Ummmmm…I'm still hungry. Let's go to Rukichuu's diner."

"Why?" Shunsui asked as they turned back to the city. Haji leaned in.

"Because Isshin works today, and if I ask nicely, he'll put sake in the tea." she whispered.

"Really? You little flirt!" Shunsui laughed. Kisuke and Yoruichi turned around.

"What?" they asked.

"Nothing." Haji and Shunsiu replied. As she predicted, smiling and asking for 'something extra' prompted Isshin to add sake to the tea pot. Instead of keeping Kisuke's second shirt over her head, Haji stopped by Kurohime's shop and dug through the pile of clothes that had accumulated in the once empty bin in the back room. There she found a red scarf to tie around her head, over the cat ears. When they left the restaurant, Kisuke came up with two metal rings. He took the two charms Haji had and had attached them to the collar around her neck. Later that week, she found a green and white hat to wear, rather than tying her ears down on her head. They hadn't yet gone away.

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**And... yeah. No one reviewed, so I have no one to thank. ...Wow. That came out more emo than intended... -.-;  
****Whatever. I'm glad people like it enough to add it to Favourites and Watch List.**


	4. To the Laundry Room!

Starting out a bit cliché, many years passed since the day you read about in the last chapter. The afternoon of this particular day was warm. By this time, Kisuke Urahara was captain of Squad 12, Research and Development. Ukitake Jushiro was captain of Squad 13, Defensive Tactics and Seireitei Protection while Shunsui Kyoraku was captain of Squad 8, Reserves and Backup. Yoruichi Shihoin was captain of Squad 2, Special Forces, Assassination, and Undercover Operations. Yoruhaji Shihoin was bored. Similar to the orange and black attire Yoruichi wore, Haji's was green and black. She sat cross-legged in her 'captain's' room. Soi Fon, First Seat walked into the room.

"Where is Lady Yoruichi?"

"Where is your brain?" Haji asked, bored. She sighed for the umpteenth time.

"What are you trying to do? Impersonate Lady Yoruichi?! You waltz in here every day, late, in similar attire, with ears of a cat. You even wear a cat collar! Is Yoruhaji even your real name?! And _blue_ hair? Do you really believe Lady Yoruichi favours you?!"

"No. I'm late because….I dunno. I really don't care. This collar is here because I have to wear it. I _am_ a cat. My hair is blue, and has been since birth." Before Yoruhaji could continue, or Soi Fon could respond with a poor choice of verbal weapons, Yoruichi slid the door open.

"Rui! Finally! Your stalker won't quit bugging me! She says I'm copying you!" Yoruichi laughed.

"Soi Fon, this is my lieutenant, Yoruhaji Shihoin."

"Wha- what?"

"She's my little sister."

"_Please_ tell me you have the council's news. This place is a total bore. I can't even kick back!" Haji pleaded. Her blue pigtails waved about. She had the red scarf that had been covering her ears pulled around her neck. The cat ears hadn't left her head since the day she got her zanpakto.

"No. Kisuke was supposed to have come by already. He hasn't?"

"Huh-uh. He has my hat. This is probably payback for this morning…" she grumbled, crossing her arms in a pout.

"Why?" What happened this morning?"

"Uh, well…"

**meowmeowmeowmeowmeowmeowmeowmeowmeowmeowmeowmeowmeowmeowmeowmeowmeowmeowmeowmeowmeow**

_Earlier that day:_

Haji had some time to waste before her meeting with the council.

"Hey, Kisuke." she had a powdered sugar donut in her hand. He was reading a report as he walked past her, and without even looking up, he grabbed the donut and ate the rest of it.

"Hey. Haji-hime."

"You stole my food!"

"Don't you know it's a bad habit for a lady to eat fattening foods?"

"Don't _you_ know it's a bad habit for _anyone _to make a cat angry?"

"Yeah, so?" He turned a page. "What's the cat gonna do about it?" Realizing that she didn't know what she was going to do, Haji jumped onto Kisuke's shoulders.

"Ha! What now?"

"Now, I have a meeting with Yachiru."

"Is that Zaraki's pink haired kid?"

"Yeah." Bored, Haji crossed her arms on top of Kisuke's head. He was still reading the report.

"Are you getting off any time soon?"

"No."

"Come on, Shunsui and Ukitake are up ahead! Get off!" In reply, Haji blew a raspberry. Just as they rounded the corner, he straightened out.

"Hey, Kisuke….Yoruhaji….erm…hi, guys." Ukitake said. Since the academy, his tuberculosis had become worse, turning his hair white. Kisuke raised his hand in greeting, without looking up.

"Hey, Ukitake, Shunsui." Shunsui sighed.

"What?" Ukitake asked.

"Kisuke is probably the only one in Seireitei who can walk around with a girl's legs around his neck and not react."

"They've been friends for how long? He's probably gotten used to it by now." Ukitake said.

"You're right." Shunsui muttered. "D'you think he's gay?" When Kisuke and Haji rounded the corner, Kisuke reached up under the green and white hat to scratch behind her ear in an attempt to coax her down.

"Damn it. What are you doing?" He began walking again.

"Nothing. Nothing at all, Haji-hime."

"Would you stop with the 'hime' thing? I'm not a princess!"

"Yoruichi-hime nesan and Yoruhaji-hime imoto. That's how you two are introduced. Princesses of the Shihoin clan."

"Well, _Urahara_, if I were a princess, would I be sitting here? Would I be a Shinigami?" she thought for a moment. "Would I have been in your West lab early into the morning testing explosives made of defective mod souls?" Kisuke stopped and craned his neck to look at her.

"What?"

"Yeah…." she chuckled nervously. "I uh…blew up the West lab…."

"So that's what you're meeting with the council about?" He laughed.

"Shut up." He reached up and attempted to ruffle her hair. Haji scowled outwardly, but smiled inside. _I've resigned myself to be his best friend for life, not his girlfriend. Now quit blushing, you candy-ass._ Her inner self settled down. "Well, I have some business to attend to before my chewing-out." Haji slid off Kisuke's back.

"Okay. I've got a call slip from the council, so I'll have to be there later." Kisuke walked away, but not before grabbing her hat and putting on his head. "Later, Haji-hime." Yoruhaji growled and almost went after him, but she could hear people coming and ducked into an alley.

"So you got a summon, too, Shunsui?"

"Yeah. So did Kisuke." he replied.

"Do you really think they'll make Haji a captain, too? Isn't she Yoruichi's lieutenant?" Ukitake asked.

"I don't really think it matters that much. She can pass the test, and I don't know of anyone who would seriously protest to working under her."

"Except Riatsu." Ukitake interjected.

"Except Riatsu." Shunsui corrected. Ukitake and Shunsui turned the opposite direction of Kisuke. Haji sprinted out of the alley and to the captain's quarters to find Yoruichi.

**meowmeowmeowmeowmeowmeowmeowmeowmeowmeowmeowmeowmeowmeowmeowmeowmeowmeowmeowmeowmeow**

"Ah. I'd imagine he'd want to get you back for that." Yoruichi commented. Soi Fon looked disgusted.

"Lady Yoruichi! How can you allow your subordinates to participate in such activities?"

"Haji and Captain Urahara have been friends since before the academy. I doubt anything I said would stop them from horsing around."

"Lighten up, Soybeans." Haji joked. "Eep!" she jumped. "Hide me! Quick! It's Riatsu!" Yoruhaji looked around, but could see no where to hide. She transformed into a raccoon coloured cat and ran behind the large chair/throne of Squad 2's Captain. Moments later, a boy with black hair and a rat tail slammed the sliding door open and doubled over, panting.

"Lady….Yoruhaji…you….Oh…Soi Fon…Uh, Captain! Have you…by any chance, seen your sister anywhere?" Riatsu was from a different branch of the Fong clan and had been reluctantly assigned to guard the disgraceful heir of the Shihoin clan. Only the Central 46, Yoruichi, Kisuke, Ukitake, and Shunsui knew that she was a Shihoin. Amachiri-sensei died in battle the year after they graduated.

"Riatsu, you need to learn better tracking skills." Soi Fon said.

"Yes, but-"

"Riatsu." Yoruichi interrupted. He looked to her. "Do you see lieutenant Shihoin in this room?"

"N-no, ma'am." He hung his head and ran out, closing the door behind him. Haji jumped up to Yoruichi's shoulder.

"I love you, Rui!" the male sounding cat purred.

"Lady Yoruichi!" Soi Fon said. "Why are you facilitating this kind of behaviour?!"

"Soi Fon, it's as you said. Riatsu needs to learn to keep track of his charge. If he couldn't sense her, then oh well."

"He didn't even notice the pile of clothes on that pillow there." Yoruhaji said flatly. She saw the door that led to her room thing, and wondered why she hadn't hidden in there. The door, again, slid open unexpectedly. A tall blonde man in a captain's robe stood there.

"Hey. Captain Shihoin, Soi Fon, Haji-hime." He would've greeted Yoruichi as usual, but with her shadow there, he'd probably have been reported. Yoruhaji growled irritatedly.

"My name's not hime!" the male voice proclaimed.

"How does 'Captain' sound?" he asked.

"How does paperwork sound?"

"Well, I can tell you're really excited about this. What if I told you you'd be heading up Squad 3?"

"Three? That's Intelligence and information. They work closely with Squad…." Haji, who had started off uninterested, perked up. She gasped. "Kiki!" She bounded off her sister's shoulder and jumped at his chest. Mid-leap, the cat form gave way to human form. "Yay!" Haji yelled as she hung around his neck.

"Lady Yoruhaji!" Soi Fon exclaimed.

"Haji." her sister said. "Cat to human." It occurred to her what Yoruichi was saying. That was her green shirt she was looking at over Kisuke's shoulder. _Oh shit._ Her heart stopped beating and she quit breathing. Haji screamed and shifted into cat form, running through the slightly open, mostly unused door that went into the lieutenant's quarters. An empty dresser, covered mirror, and a pillow furnished the room. She spent most of her time out and about. Yoruichi opened the door a bit more before tossing her clothes in and sliding it shut.

"What?" Kisuke asked, confused. "All I said was she'd be in Squad 3." Slap. "Ow, what was that for?" he whined.

"Captain Urahara, the only reason I do _not_ report your misconduct is because Lady Yoruichi requests that I do not." The main door slid open and shut in an angry manner, so Haji guessed that Soi Fon left. She finished putting her clothes on, and sat crosslegged against the shoji door to keep anyone from opening it.

"Hey, Haji, are you dressed?" Kisuke asked.

"Nnnn."

"Can I come in?"

"No."

"Why? You mad?" he sighed. "If it makes a difference, I've seen you naked before. I watched you once or twice in the pool a few years ago. Yoruichi caught me." Haji heard him sit against the door. Despite the dark red on her face creeping down her shoulders, she couldn't help but laugh once.

"Why did you tell me that? If I wasn't mad before, you just gave me a reason to gut you and paint the clock tower in the courtyard." There was no way Kisuke didn't know she liked him. Through all the years they spent together, with his genius, there was no way he _hadn't_ figured it out. He laughed.

"I guess…..I don't know. I think I figured if that hadn't been the first time, you'd be less embarrassed?" The last part was more of a question. _So he has to know. That means _he_ doesn't love me._ In the moment Yoruhaji Shihoin realized this, her heart stopped beating again. She felt as if she might rip or shatter or explode. A moment passed, and Haji began to breathe. _If I've come to this conclusion, this means the entire time I've had nothing to worry about! Now I know he doesn't love me, but I can still love him_ she reasoned. _So, really, nothing's changed, except I don't have the burden of wondering about it anymore._

"Or if it's about Squad 3, I hear Squad 10's looking for a captain, too." Kisuke offered. _I can be and act the same as I have been, but there's no more embarrassment._ At the simple conclusion that the years she spent being embarrassed around Kisuke were wasted, she started laughing. Haji tried to open the door, but it wouldn't budge.

"Move." she said to Kisuke. She kicked the door, and it slid open easily.

"So you wanna go get you reassigned?" Kisuke asked, hat on the floor beside him. Haji blew a raspberry.

"Ten's a stupid number, anyway. 'Sides, Large-Scale Operations? I think not. Ooh! Captain's laundry day! Let's go add red dye to the robes!" she said, grabbing the hat and putting it on over her ears. Kisuke and Yoruichi exchanged confused glances and shrugged.

"Wait up!" he yelled, before running out the door after her.

More time passed, as time is apt to do. Haji held on to her hat, Kisuke held on to Haji, and Yoruichi held everything together, adding her own brand of mischief to the mix. Not on duty, Yoruhaji and Mei the silver and black cat that had saved her ass _so_ many times were walking through the great expanse of forest surrounding Seireitei. A Quincy was in the region, searching for something. There were no Hollows around, so Haji offered to help him look for whatever it was he was trying to find. He turned to her, raised his bow, and shot. Mei turned from tabby cat to tiger, and was no more. Yoruhaji felt as if her sister had been killed. Mei had, though. The captain made not a sound for two weeks, not even a creak of floorboards or a crunch of gravel, and walked about in a daze for some time after.

She was still afraid of drowning, although her barriers could withstand enormous amounts of pressure. Yoruichi was still the best friend she ever had, her father was still an ass, and she still loved Kisuke Urahara. This is why she followed him when, out of boredom, he pushed the limits and was accused of treason and wanting to overthrow the king.

In one night, Seireitei lost the only healthy heirs of the highest clan and the mind that could out think the rest of Seireitei; not to mention they were all captains.

* * *

**THANK YOU Sorami-san** **FOR YOUR REVIEW!! Sorry...I'm just excited to finally have a review for this story. YAY! Anyways, yeah. The next bit takes place in the Human world. **

**WARNING: There will be fun poked at Ichigo. Poked at him with a big stick. Not with a sword, cuz that would be stabbing. Whatever. REVIEW, please!!**


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